I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
