Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
