Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
