I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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