You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
