Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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