Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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