Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
what day is it and did you see me today?
vagina is talking i cant
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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