no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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