Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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