I'd wear matching sweaters with you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
