call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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