Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
