She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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