I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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