Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
