don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
