I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
