Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
