Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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