I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
