yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
