the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Enjoy the penises
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
