you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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