on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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