im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
