dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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