i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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