So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
