Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
