im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
