I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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