she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
