she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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