I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
