I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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