Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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