you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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