if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
