oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
