Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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