Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
