oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to stop coming to work sober
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
