think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
