your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
