No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
