They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
