dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
