Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
