I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
