I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
