I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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