How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
