Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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