you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
