I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
