you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
where are my eyebrows?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
