kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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