i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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