did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
