where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
