the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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