does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
