woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
