pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
