Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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