I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
