Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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