My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
