I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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