Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
