My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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