I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
