just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
