There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
