**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
