the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
