its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
