ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He passed out mid-signature
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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