I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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